Softbank Hates Foreigners

Because of its White Plan, which only costs about 900 yen a month, Softbank became the cell phone provider of choice at my company.  Each school has a Softbank cell phone, and many of the other teachers have identical company-provided cells.  The White Plan offers unlimited calling between Softbank cell phones but charges twice as much per minute to non-softbank cells as any other company, a fact that offends me and led me to going with another provider.  Shortly after my arrival, one of my coworkers asked me about my cell phone, and when I told him that I’d gone with AU, he said, “Well that was stupid.”  Do you even know how your plan works? I asked him. “No, I just pay directly through the company every month.”  But I’m the stupid one.

All of which conspired to make me loath Softbank.  That and the fact that they’re advertised by SMAP, a boy band whose members are all not only actively unattractive, but also old; most of them are in their late thirties.

When Sen told me that she wanted to get her own phone rather than her crappy company phone, I immediately offered to help her set up her account — provided she didn’t go with Softbank.  By the time her replacement, Kel, moved to Japan, I’d repented my irrational hatred of Softbank and relented to helping her set up service with Softbank.

We were immediately greeted by a shop clerk who handed us the latest cell phone catalogue and asked if we had any preferences, but before we even started to really look at cell phones, he brought us a translation of the service packet which said that unless Kel’s visa was two years long — the length of a contract with Softbank — she would be ineligible for all Softbank deals; there would be no discounts on the cell phones, and she wouldn’t even be able to play for her cell phone over time as is the norm: should would have to pay up front for a cell, the cheapest of which was $300. Knowing that others had successfully set up accounts with Softbank with no trouble, we headed to a different store, only to be told the same thing with a second caveat: although Kel’s visa had been extended for a year, her foreigner registration card still had the old expiration date — only two weeks away.  In that case, they said, you can’t get a cell phone at all. Lies and shenanigans.

So we went next door to the AU store.  We explained the situation, showed the shop clerk Kel’s new visa and her foreigner registration card, and asked if she could get a cell phone.  I’m not sure. Let me check, she told us.  A five minute phone call later and she’d determined that there was no problem and collected a wad of free cell phones to show us.  Ugly free cell phones.  Could she get a cuter, expensive phone and pay over time? Of course! You can either pay over two years, and if you end up canceling pay the balance then, or you can pay over one year. What about this phone?  Oh that phone is free! And it’s the last one. I’ll set it aside for you. Will Arashi (the AU advertiser) come teach me how to use my cell phone? I wish they would teach me!

Throughout the exchange, I was practically giddy.  Not only was there a tremendous sense of accomplishment as I was both translating and helping do something complicated in Japan, but I’d been right about Softbank. Without any preaching from me, Kel had accepted that AU was superior in every way to Softbank, in spite of her hatred of Arashi.

As we were leaving, she told me, “I’m glad I ended up with AU. SMAP is cool and Ken Watanabe (who advertises for docomo) is awesome, but I know what Arashi means to Japan.”

I WIN.

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